


The Price of Love

by ProngsPotter22



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Harry Potter Dies, Mild Language, Sad Ending, Sirius Black Lives, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-20 16:12:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9499640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProngsPotter22/pseuds/ProngsPotter22
Summary: Sirius survived the Battle of the Department of Mysterious. However, Harry did not. A look at Sirius and Remus' reactions to the loss of their pup/cub.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! I hope all you Aussies out there had a wonderful Australia Day! Anyway, this is the one shot I promised to do. If you have read Carlisle’s Secret: The Lost Cullen you will know what I’m talking about. I hope you all enjoy it!

Sirius collapsed to the ground. He could hear the silence around him shatter with a mixture of cheers of delight and horrified, heartbroken screams. He could see out the corner of his eye as people from the Order and the Hogwarts students fell to their knees as they sobbed in grief while the Death Eater’s shouted in joy. Yet, he did not move. He could not take his eyes off the veil.

 

He was vaguely aware of Remus dropping down next to him. He could feel his friends trembling hand on his shoulder and he could hear him attempting to talk to him. However, everything was white noise. All Sirius could hear was a faint buzzing in his ears and the echo of his godson’s final moments.

 

He was numb. In the back of his mind he knew he really needed to move; grab Harry’s friends and leave this place before the Aurors show up or worse yet, Voldemort himself. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to care.

 

His pup was gone. The last remaining memory of Lily and James, his only godchild, the closet person he would ever have to a son and his only reason for staying alive all these years. Gone, just like that.

 

It had been so quick and yet to him it had appeared to take years. He knew he would never be able to erase the memory. It was worse then losing Harry’s parents had ever been. He had seen the aftermath, seen his friends bodies. However, he found Harry that night, alive and well. This time though, there was no consolation. He had not arrived after the fight and could not trick himself into believing there was nothing he could have done. He saw Harry die, right before his own eyes, and did nothing.

 

Sirius fought back a whimper as the memory started again.

 

…………………………………………………………

 

The Order of the Phoenix burst through the door into the Death Chamber. Sirius shoved his way to the front, desperate to catch sight of his wayward godson. He had really hoped Harry would have a better grasp on occlumency by now but it would seem that had not been the case.

 

He wasn’t surprised though. What the hell was Dumbledore thinking? Telling Snape to teach his pup was the most foolish idea the old coot had ever had! _Snivellus probably spent more time tormenting Harry then teaching him anything!_

 

Sirius and Remus had been upstairs at Grimmuald Place, clearing out some final dark objects from the house, when Harry must have fire-called. Snape called an emergency meeting of the Order only half an hour later telling them what happened. When it became clear that Harry had been tricked they left for the Ministry immediately.

 

Now here they were. Sirius scanned the room, finally spotting his godson, and everyone else for that matter, standing on the dais by the creepy looking veil. The Death Eater’s had one of the children each, keeping them still with a wand to their throats. Harry stood just a few paces in front of the veil, holding the prophecy in hand while Lucius Malfoy stood in front of him, wand tamed on the young wizard.

 

Sirius growled, sounding very much like his animagus, preparing to run down the steps into the chamber and get the blond-haired bastard away from his pup. However, Moody stuck out his arm to block his path even before he took one step. “Not yet Black. You run down there now without a plan and the Death Eaters will kill those kids before we even get so much as one spell in.”

 

Sirius wanted to argue but reluctantly grumbled his agreement. Moody turned and faced the group while his magical eye rolled back into his head, no doubt keeping an eye on things at the bottom of the chamber.

 

“Alright, here’s the plan. Tonks, Lupin, Shacklebolt and I are going to grab the kids. You, Black, will grab Potter once the Death Eaters are distracted. Stealth is of upmost importance here so try to be quite all of you.” Moody grumbled, human eye resting on a sheepish looking Tonks. “Sneak up behind the Death Eaters and wait for the signal. If they notice you too soon they will harm the teens so make sure they don’t see ya until it’s too late. Alright? Black; wait until you see everyone in position before you make your move. It will be difficult to get to Malfoy without being spotted but he will be reluctant to fire at Potter as long as he has the prophecy. Get to him and you should have little trouble taking out Malfoy. Okay, all of you move out.”

 

Sirius reluctantly stayed where he was as the rest of the team slunk down the stone steps. He swiftly looked between the Order members and the group of people on the dais. Not much was happening up there yet. _Malfoy must be giving one of those typical bad-guy speeches_ Sirius thought with a smirk. As long as Malfoy kept talking they had a very good chance of getting everyone out of here safely.

 

He watched as the members of the Order briskly and strategically made their way around the dais, stoping behind the oblivious Death Eaters. Malfoy was too occupied with his conversation with Harry to notice what was going on, much to Sirius’ relief.

 

Sirius was just starting to get restless when he noticed movement on the dais. Harry was slowly moving towards Malfoy, holding a small glass sphere out towards the platinum blonde Death Eater. Sirius may have never been to the Department of Mysterious in his life and had never seen one of those glass balls before but he new without a doubt what it was. _The prophecy!_

 

Quickly locating Moody, he silently urged the aged ex-Aurua to give him the signal. It was more for the sake of preventing less issues then actually wanting permission. He was going to run down there and get Harry _right now_ regardless of Moody granting him the go ahead or not.

 

Luck was on his side when Mad-Eye met his gaze and gestured for him to move in.

 

Sirius wasted no time in dashing down the steps, missing every second step in his haste to stop the Malfoy patriarch obtaining the item that could put Harry in greater danger then he had ever been in before. Voldemort could not get his hands on that prophecy or there was not telling what he would do.

 

Sirius leapt up onto the dais in one go and stopped behind Malfoy before any of the Death Eaters could react. He saw his godson’s surprised expression and new the blonde-haired Death Eater would turn any second now. _Time to get some well-earned payback._

 

He glared as Lucius Malfoy turned and met his gaze, two pairs of stormy grey eyes meeting with such strong looks of contempt mixed with surprise on Malfoy’s part. Sirius internally growled at the sight of the prophecy clenched in the bastard’s hand. He clenched his fist and snapped, “Get away from my godson” before slamming said fist into Malfoy senior’s face.

 

With that light filled the chamber. The Death Eaters, taken by surprise at the Order’s attack, where immediately at a disadvantage. The children were quickly helped down off the dais and moved over to the sides. Sirius didn’t have much time to see what was happening or who was fighting who though. He saw the prophecy fly from Malfoy’s hand. The blonde wizard lunged for it in a hopeless bid to stop it reaching the ground. However, the prophecy was too far away and Malfoy watched it smash into pieces in front him.

 

Sirius didn’t care if it was gone. Dumbledore knew the prophecy, he knew the prophecy and that was all that mattered. It was better the stupid thing broke then find its way into the enemy’s hands. Just then a Death Eater ran past and shot a curse at Harry. Sirius blocked it and dragged his godson behind a large rock.

 

Crouching down in front of him, he placed a hand on Harry’s knee and looked into those green eyes that were so much like his mother’s. “Now listen to me, I want you to take the others and get out of here”, he murmured imploringly. The sounds of the battle were in full swing now. Rocks smashed apart from stray curses that missed their mark and screams and shouts of battling wizards filled the room, echoing off the walls adding to the deafening sounds.

 

Harry blinked in surprise at him, emerald eyes meeting his with both surprise and defiance. _So much like his parents,_ Sirius added silently. “What? No, I’m staying with you.”

 

Sirius almost smiled at that, recalling a time so many years ago when James had said the exact same words to him after Sirius pulled that awful prank on Snape at the Whomping Willow. Sirius had been waiting there for Remus to wake up after the full moon. Sirius told James to go, not wanting Remus to believe James had anything to do with Snape’s near-murder. However, Prongs had turned to him with the same look of defiance his son now wore and told him that he wasn’t going anywhere.

 

Sirius was momentarily blind-sided by the hit of déjà vu. It was in that moment more then any before that he noticed just how much alike and yet how different Harry was to his father. They both were loyal almost to a fault and always determined to stand by those they cared about, despite the risks. They were the most stubborn people he had ever known, after Lily of course, and were never easily swayed. Friendship and family were top priority and nothing came before that, not even themselves. Despite his lack of pranks and his more modest attitude, quite unlike James’ arrogant one at Harry’s age, he was just like his father.

 

There was Lily in their too though; in his compassion for others and fiery temper. He also had an ambition to prove he was more then what people thought he was and a determination to do what was right.

 

Sirius forced back the pain of remembering his old friends and focused on his godson. He would not let Lily and James down. He would not fail as a godfather again. He needed to get Harry out of here. “You’ve done beautifully, now let me take it from here.”

 

No sooner had the words escaped his mouth, a curse smashed into the stone above their heads. Sirius spun around to see Malfoy standing just a few paces away. He lunged to his feet, Harry following only a second after. They faced Lucius Malfoy just as another Death Eater appeared.

 

Lucius fired off a spell, nearly hitting Harry. Sirius blocked it and then everything descended into chaos. They shot spells back and forth. Sirius could barely keep track of Harry’s movements as he concentrated on dodging spells and attacking their opponents. However, he could still feel his godson’s presence next to him and was both proud and relieved that Harry was still standing. As he fought he was aware of things calming down slightly around them as people finished off their own fights. He had no idea if that meant they had won or if anyone was dead though and decided to finish off these two before he worried about anything else.

 

An expulso curse was suddenly sent his way with no time for Sirius to doge it. However, at the last second Harry cast a shield charm, blocking the curse from striking Sirius. He shot his godson a quick smile before throwing a jinx back at Malfoy. Then the other Death Eater shot a leg-locker curse at Harry while he blocked a spell from Malfoy. Sirius blocked the spell and sent the wizard flying from a stunner.

 

As the fight continued Sirius reflected on how well he and Harry fought together. It was just like when he and James used to spar while training to be Aurors. Harry fought much the same way James did and Sirius found it easy to predict Harry’s next move and work with him to drive Lucius and the other Death Eater back.

 

Sirius shot an expulso curse at the unknown Death Eater, sending him flying. He then heard Harry shout “Expelliamus!” and saw Lucius’ wand go flying through the air. Sirius grinned and called back to Harry “Nice one James!”; too caught up in the moment to realise that he had called Harry his father’s name.

 

He sent a string of curses at Malfoy until the blonde Death Eater went flying. Sirius grinned wolfishly, turning around to congratulate Harry on their victory when he saw his godson come flying at him. Next thing Sirius knew, Harry slammed into him and he hit the floor with a thud, momentarily stunned by the blow. Sirius was about to stagger to his feet and ask Harry what in the name of Merlin he was thinking when he saw a bright white light strike his pup in the chest. Harry stumbled backwards, his wide shocked eyes meeting Sirius’ as he fell into the veil. And then he was gone.

 

…………………………………………………………

 

“…..Padfoot….Padfoot……Sirius….SIRIUS!”

 

Sirius blinked away the memories as he finally forced his way back to reality. He was surprised to find himself staring at his friend’s face instead of the veil. Sirius sighed as he gazed into his friend’s concerned amber eyes. A part of him was grateful that Remus had pulled him away from the depressing memories and yet another part of him was furious and annoyed at him for disrupting him. He deserved to feel miserable.

 

Remus sighed before reaching over and grasping his shoulder gently but firmly, pulling him to his feet. Now able to see over Moony’s shoulder, Sirius was once again met with the sight of the veil.

 

Sirius had heard stories about the Department of Mysterious. His grandfather worked there before his death and his father had told him all the stories his own father told him about his adventures there. He knew a lot about the different rooms and projects that went on here. One of the most fascinating stories he had ever heard though was about the Death Chamber. His grandfather had once said it was filled with the spirits of the deceased and that you could hear them whisper to you from the veil. However, only one who had lost someone dear would be able to here them. He also knew the veil was an ancient and extremely powerful magical object that served as a grate way between the lands of the living and the dead. If one where to go through then you would not be coming back.

 

He knew without even having to ask that Harry was gone for good. There was no way to bring back the dead, not properly anyway. Even so, he still couldn’t stop the question slipping past. “Harry….is he?” he croaked out.

 

Sirius closed his eyes at his friend’s pained, teary-eyed expression. There was no need for words. They both knew that Sirius’ pup, Remus’ cub, was gone.

 

Sirius pushed Remus away, attempting a staggering step forward, towards the veil. It was only then that he realised how badly he was shaking.

 

“Sirius…?” Remus called wearily.

 

Sirius stopped a few paces away from the veil and just watched as the curtain fluttered peacefully in a non-existent wind. It was a calming, almost hypnotic, sight. Sirius slowly stepped forward, ignoring Remus’ anxious calls.

 

_It would be so easy to just step through,_ he thought calmly. _I won’t need to worry about hiding anymore, I won’t need to feel the grief. I can see my true family again. Lily. James. Harry. All I need to do is walk straight through and its over…._

 

Suddenly two arms snatched him around the middle, tugging him fiercely back away from the dangerous object. Sirius immediately struggled against Remus, for he knew it could be no one else. The rest were too busy dealing with the captured Death Eaters or were too far gone in their own grief to notice.

 

…………………………………………………………

 

Remus grunted in an effort to stop Sirius rushing to his death. Despite years in Azkaban Sirius was still very strong and it had been a full moon only a few days ago. Still, Remus clung onto his last remaining friend. He could not loose Sirius as well. He had lost almost his entire pack now. James, Lily, Peter and his cub, Harry. Sirius was all that remained. He could not let him run into the veil as well. He just couldn’t.

 

He could feel Moony in the back of his mind, howling in grief and self blame at the loss of his cub. From the very day Harry was born Moony had declared Harry their honorary cub. Remus had since then been the victim of plenty of Moony’s anger due to the fact that he thought they were failing Harry, not that Remus disagreed.

 

Moony gave him a hard time for years after the Halloween night Harry’s parents died. Remus knew they could not legally adopt Harry but Moony did not care about this. He felt they should have taken Harry regardless. Knowing now what Harry’s childhood had been like, Remus couldn’t have agreed more.

 

Things got better while Remus was teaching at Hogwarts. Moony was much more content knowing Harry was nearby. However, things spiralled again when Moony nearly attacked Harry during the full moon. The wolf was miserable after that and made sure Remus suffered as well.

 

Now Harry was dead and Moony was overwhelmed with a sense of failure and unbearable grief. He felt they should have saved Harry, they should have been the ones hit with that curse. Their cub should still be here and Moony blamed Remus for the fact he wasn’t.

 

Remus fought back the whimpers as he held Sirius back. He hadn’t been there for Harry like he should have been. Perhaps if he had just fought harder to gain custody of their cub then things could have been different. Harry could be at school right now, safe and sound.

 

Sirius chose that moment to give a harsh kick back, hitting Remus in the shin painfully as he attempted to reach the veil. While part of him was hurting for his friend’s grief right now, another part of him was feeling very angry with Sirius. He wasn’t the only one who lost someone. Remus should be allowed to grieve right now instead of having to worry about Sirius doing something impulsive and dangerous. And beside that, how could he think it was fair to leave Remus behind like that? Sirius was all he had left. How could he even consider just leaving him to deal with this all on his own? They should be helping each other through this. Remus needed his friend right now and so did Sirius.

 

Remus growled in frustration before yelling “SIRIUS, FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN, STOP! YOU’LL HELPING NO ONE BY KILLING YOURSELF! HARRY’S GONE SIRIUS, HE’S GONE! ENOUGH!”

 

Sirius finally went limp in his arms and after waiting a few minutes to ensure he wouldn’t take off again, Remus released him. The two friends stood there, panting heavily and thinking over everything that had happened tonight. Finally Remus turned to stare at Sirius.

 

His friend had slid to the ground and was leaning against a large rock. Remus absentmindedly remembered this was the same rock Sirius and Harry had ducked behind during the battle. As he walked over and sat down he could easily see the dog animagus’ shoulders shaking. He realised the shock of what happened finally had receded and the despair took full hold.

 

Remus sighed and waited for Sirius to speak. He wanted to cry, to scream, to _howl!_ However, Sirius needed him right now and he would look out for what remained of their little pack. He may have failed everyone else, and even Sirius at one point, but he would not make that mistake again. He would have his chance to properly mourn his cub. Right now though he needed to be the strong one.

 

…………………………………………………………

 

Sirius would normally have felt embarrassed at being seen breaking down like this. However, at that moment he couldn’t care less who saw him. The shock and anger were gone now and all that was left was the suffocating knowledge that _Harry is dead! Harry is dead! Harry. Is. Dead._

 

Sirius sensed Remus slide down next to him but said nothing. He couldn’t talk right now. They both sat there for a few minutes, Sirius sobbing in anguish while Remus remained silent, thinking over all of his memories of Harry while offering his brother in all but blood the silent support he needed.

 

Finally Sirius managed to croak out feebly “I called him James, you know.”

 

Remus stared at him in shock. He hadn’t been expecting that. “You did?”

 

Sirius nodded shamefully. “I didn’t mean to. It just slipped out. What if he hates me for that? What if his last thoughts about me where that I just thought of him as a replacement for James? I don’t see him like that Moony! I don’t!”

 

Remus cut in gently. “I know you don’t Padfoot and I’m sure he does too. It was an accident and I know he wouldn’t hate you for that.”

 

Sirius nodded slowly, not so sure he agreed with Remus. He loved his godson for the person he was, not because of who his father was. He hoped Harry knew that. Finally he spoke up again. “It’s all my fault.”

 

Remus glanced at him out the corner of his eye. “Not, it’s not your fault Padfoot. Harry, he….” Remus broke off for a second, expression pained. Sirius waited patiently, understanding his companions suffering all to well. It was hard to say the name. It had been with Lily and James, it still was in fact, and now it would be the same with Harry. “…he new the risk he was taking when he pushed you away from that curse. He made that choice Sirius. You didn’t ask him to. It wasn’t your fault.”

 

Sirius shook his head harshly, suddenly furious. “It was Moony! He shouldn’t have had to make that decision! If I was watching what I was doing then I wouldn’t have needed bloody saving. I’m his godfather, for fucks sake! I should have been protecting him, not the other way around! I basically killed him myself, just like his parents…..”

 

Remus swung round to face him head on. This time it was his turn to be angry. “That’s enough Padfoot! You are not responsible for Lily and James’ deaths nor are you for Harry’s! They agreed to your idea and no one suspected Wormtail was the traitor! Blaming yourself for something you couldn’t have known about is not going to help. As for what happened today, you didn’t know she was there. Harry did. You didn’t ask him to do anything. Harry just acted because that is just who he is….was.” Remus countered, stumbling awkwardly at the end at his use of present tense.

 

“I made so many mistakes by him Moony….I left him as a baby when I should have been looking after him. I should have been there for him through everything but I wasn’t because I was a shit godfather who didn’t think of his godson first. You know, I asked them to name you godfather.” Sirius finished, staring at him with bloodshot eyes.

 

Remus blinked in surprise. “What?”

 

Sirius smiled ruefully. “I never thought I would make a good godfather to Harry. I’m not responsible like you are. I would never have been good at looking after him. I told them to pick you. They were the one’s who insisted I would be fine and that they were planning on naming you godfather to their second child.”

 

Remus was touched to think they would have named him godfather to one of their kids but quickly remembered his thoughts from earlier. “They were right to pick you Padfoot. I wasn’t very responsible either. I left instead of checking up on him at the Dursley’s. I knew I would never be given custardy of the ‘Chosen One’ but I still should have made sure they were looking after him properly. I put everyone’s lives at risk when I forgot about my potion that night two years ago. I wasn’t there for Harry either these last few years. You were in Azkaban and couldn’t be there but what was my excuse?”

 

Sirius didn’t answer and they both remained silent for a little while, watching as Dumbledore arrived and spoke to Moody. Neither made any effort to go see him.

 

After a few minutes Remus spoke up. “Look Sirius, we both have messed up pretty badly and I’m certain Lily would hex us six ways to Sunday for it. However, you didn’t do anything wrong today. You came here to save Harry and you gave it your best shot. What happened was not your fault. Blame Voldemort for targeting Harry. Blame Bellatrix for casting the spell. Hell, blame Wormtail for bringing Voldemort back in the first place. Just don’t blame yourself.”

 

Sirius began to nod along absentmindedly when something Remus said caught his attention. “Bellatrix? My psychopathic cousin?”

 

Remus nodded. “Yes, she was the one who fired the curse….didn’t you know?”

 

Sirius shook his head. “I never saw who did it, didn’t even here them speak the incantation…” Sirius trailed off. He felt the rage bubbling up again. _Bellatrix! Of course it was her who did this! She made it her life’s mission to make me miserable from day one! Well, she succeeded all right. She got what she wanted._ Sirius clenched his fist so hard it turned completely white. He would get her for this. He would kill that bitch if it was the last thing he ever did.

 

Remus sighed before slowly rising to his feet. “I know what you’re thinking Padfoot. I won’t stop you from going after them but remember this. Harry saved you Sirius. He chose to push you out of the way of that curse because he wanted you to live. Don’t dishonour his memory by giving up now or doing something completely reckless. Keep going and live your life for him. Its what he would want and you know it.”

 

Remus started to walk away when Sirius’ called out to him.

 

“Moony!”

 

Remus turned back to him with a raised eyebrow. Sirius grinned weakly at the werewolf. “You shouldn’t blame yourself either you know. Harry wouldn’t like that.”

 

Remus smiled slightly in reply before he headed toward the door. Sirius looked around, noticing others leaving too. The Death Eaters remained chained up on the floor with Moody and Dumbledore standing guard. Sirius noticed bitterly that Bellatrix was not among them. _My godson is dead and that bitch is walking free? Not for long. I’ll catch her and make sure she pays._

 

Sirius rose to his feet, about to follow the others when he saw something out the corner of his eye on the floor by the veil. He hadn’t noticed it before, too lost in his grief to take note of anything else. As he got closer another wave of sobs hit him. It was the invisibility cloak and Harry’s wand. Harry must have dropped his wand as he flew back towards the veil. Sirius wasn’t sure how his cloak got there. He hadn’t seen Harry holding it during the battle. It must have been in his pocket. Still though, it was weird to see it there.

 

Sirius picked up the two items holding them close. As he turned and followed Remus out of the Death Chamber he made a promise to his godson. _I will get them pup. Voldemort, Wormtail, Bellatrix. I will get them all. And then I will go on living. I don’t know how but I will. I will find a way for you pup because I know its what you’d want. Everything I do is all for you._

 

Sirius cast one final look back at the room and whispered “Goodbye pup”, completely missing as he walked away the whispered reply from the veil.

 

“Goodbye”

**Author's Note:**

> So, that’s it! I hope it was okay. It was not an easy story to write but I gave it my best shot just for all of you! 
> 
> Anyway, I just wanted to mention that the reason the cloak did not go through the veil is based upon the assumption that Harry’s invisibility cloak is the one that belonged to Death mentioned in the Tale of the Three Brothers. As it is no ordinary invisibility cloak it was not able to pass through the veil.
> 
> See you next time everyone!


End file.
